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Dipesh Majumdar

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Use a cushion, avoid the scars

November 17, 2014

An odd member in a whatsapp group suddenly started typing weird sentences... loathful, sarcastic, funny and abusive and then what not...

I called this guy and said, "you abuse me and throw whatever you desire towards me - i am like Sunny - who would play the slow spins in net with utmost dexterity and the next moment would face the Caribbean pace without the helmet."

So this guy responded with an excitement that was hard to contain. SORRY was what he said first and then we 2 old friends started gossiping and talking about the beautiful old days... when i suddenly changed topic -

I opened up a bit more and expressed about the problem we had at hand - i said these words - "When there are 40 different people in a group - we have to take care of each one's sentiments and feelings - isn't it? There are certain words which might be acceptable to some but hurt someone else. There might be some statement that would infuriate another member in a group... so it's important to choose words wisely and avoid any kind of unpleasantness..."

That night before we finally bid each other good bye, I could feel an assurance that he would never repeat the same type of statements again.

Now let me narrate one more incident. This is a little unrelated of course to the previous one of course... while i was cleaning the speaker grill of my music system, i noticed some scars on the beautiful black grills. Reflection from the big glass windows helped me spot the conspicuous scars... i got a little dejected nonetheless as i am very attached to these tiny materialistic belongings.

Generally while cleaning I place my fingers between the speakers and the vacuum rod- but on one of the previous occasions i had missed. Well... that was my mistake - those fingers acted as a cushion protecting the speaker grills and their absence meant that the aluminium rod was too harsh on the speakers. 

Scars on an object - that is still okay... BUT what about scars we sometimes leave on relationships... just because we never care to place that cushion between our tongues and the recipients' ears? However true and honest our statements might be, we should try to present them in a way that we not only get ourselves heard and make our points clear but also don't end up hurting someone.

I haven't been good at it, you see, and I have made my more than fair share of mistakes. However I am still learning and I am getting better - though sometimes improvement can be so gradual that it's difficult to be aware of the progress... 

I saw a TV program the other day on climate change and someone was trying to make this point about SLOW CHANGE of climate and this guy said something that I really liked: Well you don't go to bed middle aged and then get up being old. These changes are so gradual that you don't notice them.

Coming back to scars on object versus scars on relationships, I just remembered a facebook-shared clip of Satyameva Jayate the other day: Two tearful parents were seated in the show and Amir Khan was hosting it. As the parents narrated their sad story this is what I could make out... Their son had gone out somewhere on a two-wheeler and he happened to collide with some new motorcycle. This created a few scars on the new motorcycle and the owner got pissed off to such an extent that he started beating up this poor little guy violently.

Sometimes anger and violence really take bad and unexpected turns and which can result in utmost disasters. And this incident, unfortunately had ended in such an unfortunate disaster...

Sometimes scars that cannot be seen are more painful because they can't be erased.

 

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