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Dipesh Majumdar

Blog and Paintings

I don't want to be disturbed

November 26, 2013

I like to stay alone and think about things. Crazy things, brilliant ideas. I like to scribble and make a new design of the crazy human head. Shown to the left (below if you are using smart phone), one such human head. Something that fascinates me - i like to lie down and do nothing. I like to watch euro news and then switch back to nat geo and then check news back home - what's happening - then again switch to a foot ball match - then billiards - then rise from chair and plan for cooking a new item - a new menu.

I feel association with others spoil my freedom to take a dip into so many interesting things.

I like to listen to good music ... bathe in a well directed movie...  listen to violin strings churning out blue emotions.

So many things to do...

Yet I am amazed to see people get bored in isolation. It amazes me to see people craving for association and not enjoying the bliss of being alone.

Loneliness is good. If only you know how to enjoy.

I hate talking on phone because i don't know what to say. Hello how are you; I am fine; How are you - oh i am good too...beyond this what to say - I don't know. I feel uncomfortable. When I finally say - ok bye - i feel relieved; ofcourse the other person feels sometimes that i m in hurry to cut the conversation short.

When i meet someone, i don't know what to talk to - similarly - empty conversations - empty and mindless gossips - i don't enjoy but i smile, laugh and talk. I can't discuss rock music, I can't tallk about paintings, I can't discuss about authors, well known directors; I can't discuss all these things - because I don't find such people. i can't discuss yanni or mark knoffler - and share some good music; listen together. No one also shows me some good art, music, literature and urges me to appreciate. Whereever i see, people are eating, sleeping, shitting and working like donkeys. living empty lives without any essence. it is boring. 

There are many things i see people doing - i don't want to do the same things. Some examples - 

Example no. 1. I don't know why people celebrate birthdays; some going real distant places to be with kith and kin - and then celebrating such events with excitement and joy. i feel this idea a real let down - sags my soul. what's there in a birthday - why to celebrate - i don't know. so i don't celebrate.

Example no. 2. I don't play holy, the festival of colors and dont get smeared in those colors. i find no sense - one day i fought with a friend and i had a hard time reconciling with him and getting the bitter thought behind us. today i love him and he loves me back - we are again friends. Oh, what a relief!!!!! - and my being weird or nerd or crazy or whatever - you can say unwillingness to follow the herd - has dumped me already into countless not-so-pleasant experiences. but i still feel proud of myself being this way. i see myself as someone who has the guts to oppose established norms and beliefs. Rest of the world has no balls.

No more examples. So I prefer loneliness. I don't want to be disturbed. I don't want to be answerable to anyone. When i call someone after a long time and the other person whines - that i don't call often to take care about him - i feel bad. So i don't call anybody. And that's a nice policy - setting the expectation level at such a low level that no one expects anything. That's good - i feel good - and that's what matters - rest is dog shit. 

So I like some of my friends who never talks with me. After some 3-4 years i was chatting with one of my friends... one way chat - because he never responded and was also not responding this time. I said, ' dear friend, i like your style - that you are not responding. this is really good.... continue like this and enjoy.' that friend replied back with a smiley. He never expected - oh and i felt so nice. I would have felt not bad even if he hadn't replied. 

the blog ends here. abrupt end. let it be this way. I don't owe anyone any explanation. 

I feel so good. :-)

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